I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
