Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
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Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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