Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
