she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
