6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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