Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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