is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You need Xanax blowdarts
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
