We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
