I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
