Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
