She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
