Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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