can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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