he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
