Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
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Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
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Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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