I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
