Non-Jews are for practice
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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