Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
