meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
