Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
