So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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