Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
