last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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