sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
