either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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