Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
