They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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