Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
