what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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