at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
