Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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