How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
