Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We had to coat check the pizza.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
