Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
