Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
