I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
