Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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