btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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