i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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