I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
tell your sister to shave her snatch
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
