Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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