we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
