Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
