When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
