it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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