Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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