who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
