Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
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Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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