It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
