i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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