Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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