everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
