thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
