he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
