i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
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