dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
