Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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