Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
