Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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