and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
