You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
