I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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